Remain underfoot at all times.
Learn to look bored instead of just lazy....this will cause great guilt in your human.
Make yourself comfortable at all times...nothing is more important than your own comfort.
Your food is yours. Everyone else's food is yours also.
Occasionally leave a hairball, preferably on a favorite rug located in front of a well traveled area.
Always sleep in the middle of the bed, especially when sharing the bed with your human.
Do not answer when being called, let them come find you.
When using the litter box, be sure to scatter pieces of litter behind you when you exit.
Entertain yourself by playing "Cat Putt-Putt" Earrings, rings, etc. make purrfect objects to see how many putts it takes to get them over the edge.
It's not easy to tell if your human is dead or asleep... pouncing on the chest is always a good idea, just to make sure.
Always inspect purses, backpacks, suitcases, etc. If they are comfortable, take a nap.
Confuse your human by focusing on a spot on the wall, then jumping three feet off the floor to attack it.
Wait for company to come over and then start hunting for your favorite toy under the couch; be proud for helping clean out the dust bunnies.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is
a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat
hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the
case of a cat, in which all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible
in a position as uncomfortable as possible for the people involved.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make their body long enough to reach just
about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
desire for them to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed
and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone
will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek and usually take over the most
comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat
within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to their
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly
proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter+Anti-Matter+It Doesn't Matter.
Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard until you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
When in doubt, cop an attitude.
Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them.
Climb your way to the top. That's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
When you have something important to say, try to say it in the dead of night when you're "sure" everyone's sleeping. There's no better way to get the attention you deserve.
Cats have true fur. They have an undercoat and outercoat.
The cat is a social animal. A pet cat will respond and answer to speech, and seems to enjoy human companionship.
When well taken care of, a cat can live twenty or more years.
A cat cannot see directly under its nose which is why a cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.
Cats have AB blood groups just like people.
People that are allergic to cats are actually allergic to cat saliva or to cat dander.
Cats lack a true collarbone. They can generally squeeze their bodies through any space that they can get their heads through.
Many cats cannot properly digest cow's milk. Milk and milk products give them diarrhea.
Cats do get cancer and can have a form of aids.
Cats can have gum disease. The vet should
clean their teeth once a year.
Most cats have no eyelashes.
Cats with white fur and skin on their ears are very prone to sunburn. Frequent sunburns can lead to skin cancer.
Cats can get tapeworms from eating fleas and mice.
You can tell a cat's mood by looking into its eyes. A frightened or excited cat will have large round pupils. An angry cat will have narrow pupils. The pupil size is related as much to the cat's emotions as to the degree of light.
A cat is pregnant for 58-65 days.
White vinegar is good to neutralize cat urine odor.
Cat "kneading" behavior is left over from kittenhood when they kneaded their mother's belly for milk. The marching or kneading means that the cat is happy.
